tell me how can i cheer up?..i think i need to learn to be happy...

three years ago, i met her..she was such a nice person..we started talking and crapping with each other...yeah rumours flew abound yet i thought nothing of it..thought that we were just friends...yet when after the exams, upon reflecting on my feelings, i realised that i had already fallen for her...when i was studying, she will appear out of nowhere in my mind..i would always yearn to receive her reply to the crappy stuff i sent her via sms..and would get very disappointed if she did not reply....is this what you do when you fall in love with someone.....and then the fear that you will not see her agin since we may go different places..but coincidentally, we met again...yet i had already bared my feelings to her and she had already rejected me...she told me that we should just be friends...now she seems very happy..perhaps she has found someone she like...

then two years ago...she is a very funny person..we met by coincidence through friends..but her humour and well lack of art talent made me laughed at her...we seemed to click very well..and when i was feeling sad, she will always encourage me..and yeah we were always teasing each other..well i thought i liked her..and many of my freinds also thought the same..i don't deny that i did admire her..but an advice from my friend told me that she already has someone on her mind and i decided that we should be friends which would be better...

fate took a turn, i met her..at the end of 2006, we knew each other for four years already...we sort of appreciated each other but yup were not very close though..we went out together once..yup..maybe humans are like this, whatever there are going to lose, they will appreciate the thing more... she is about to leave this place..i asked her if she is willing to be with me...she tell me that she is about to go and do not wish to be involved in a relationship now...but we are still friends, we sent emails to each other and kept in contact...

i like her...for slightly more than a year...i put in the most effort to go after her..even though i never say, my closest friends all thought that i like her..which is true...because they always laugh at me say that i always bully them yet when she say something, i will most willingly follow...and sometimes we got into conflict because of that..but they understood me..i am always happy that they stood by me even though they know i am bound to fail..she is a perfect girl, a girl that's impossible to find..we studied together..we joked around together...i will never forget to celebrate her birthday even though she always forgot about mine..i gave her a bouquet of flowers and a soft toy when we went out for movie with friends just around valentine's day...when she was working, i went alone to visit her to see her...when i went overseas, i always thought of bringing her a present, when it was a rainy day, i would ask her to take care...when she was feeling unhappy, i was unhappy when she feels cheerful, my mood clears up..yet i think i am not an important person to her bah...i liked her...when i told her, she just say that i am a great person but she doesn't like me that way and we should just be friends...my heart was broken..completely this time...fallen into pieces and shards...maybe i am clinging on to useless hope..but i did pass her the last present to bid her farewell..like what my good friend told me..she ask me to bring a closure to this sadness..she say that if i am not important to that girl, why must i keep trying since she will never appreciate my efforts...to that i don't know why..just hope that i can walk out of this one day...my another friend before he left tell me not to be sad anymore...there is treasure everywhere, i just need to appreciate things more and i would feel more happy...thanks for his support but now i don't think i am fully healed yet...

my colleagues at work always ask me why i like listen to songs that have sad lyrics, sad tunes..because i am feeling sad...and yes..i thank them very much that they would try to cheer me up..when i play games during work because i am bored..i just needed something to get me to think about other things other than her when i am not working so pardon me if you think that i am addicted to that game...sadly my office has two person that has same english name as her..how ironic..that i want to avoid thinking of her yet her name keep ringing in my ears....

don't know lah..i am already a numbed person..maybe i will laugh and smile still but that hurting feeling is still following me everyhere..i don't want to wallow in this..just hope time can heal all wounds..

是否很惊讶讲不出说话
没错我是说你想分手吗
曾给你驯服到就像绵羊
何解会反咬你一下你知吗
回头望伴你走
从来未曾幸福过
赴过汤蹈过火
沿途为何没爱河
下半生陪住你
怀疑快乐也不多
没有心别再拖
好心一早放开我
从头努力也坎坷
通通不要好过
来年岁月那么多
为继续而继续
没有好处还是我
若注定有一点苦楚
不如自己亲手割破
是否不甘心首先给撇下
换了你是我你忍得到吗
捱得过无限次寂寞凌迟
人心态早己看得化也可怕
回头望伴你走
从来未曾幸福过
赴过汤蹈过火
沿途为何没爱河
下半生陪住你
怀疑快乐也不多
没有心别再拖
好心一早放开我
从头努力也坎坷
通通不要好过
来年岁月那么多
为继续而继续
直接不过承认错
若勉强也分到不多
不如什么也摔破
难捱就无谓再拖
好心一早放开我
从头努力也坎坷
通通不要好过
来年岁月那么多
为继续而继续
没有好处还是我
若注定有一点苦楚
不如自己亲手割破

Listen to Your Heart-D.H.T
I know there's something in the wake of your smile
I get a notion from the look in your eyes yeah
You've built a love but that love falls apart
Your little piece of heaven turns to dark

Listen to your heart
When he's calling for you
Listen to your heart
There's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going
And I don't know why
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile
The precious moments are all lost in the tide yeah
They're swept away and nothing is what it seems
The feeling of belonging to your dreams

Listen to your heart
When he's calling for you
Listen to your heart
There's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going
And I don't know why
But listen to your heart
Before.... you tell him goodbye

And there are voices that want to be heard
So much to mention but you can't find the words
The scent of magic, the beauty that's been
When love was wilder than the wind

Listen to your heart (take a listen to it)
When he's calling for you
Listen to your heart (take a listen to it)
There's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going
And I don't know why
But listen to your heart
Before oh... before you tell him goodbye

Listen to your heart (take a listen to it)
When he's calling for you
Listen to your heart (take a listen to it)
There's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going
And I don't know why
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye

Gifts and Curses- Yellowcard
Mary belongs to the words of a song.
I try to be strong for her, try not to be wrong for her.
But she will not wait for me anymore, anymore.
Why did I say all those things before I was sure?

(She is the one), but I have a purpose,
(She is the one), and I have to fight this,
(she is the one), the villain I can't knock down.

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say,
still I will always fight on for you.

Mary's alive in the bright New York sky,
the city lights shine for her, above them I cry for her.
Everything's small on the ground below, down below.
What if I fall, then where would I go, would she know?

(She is the one), all that I wanted,
(she is the one), and I will be haunted,
(she is the one), this gift is my curse for now.

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say.
Still I will always fight on for you.

(Instrumental)

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say.
Still I will always fight on for you.
Fight on for you...
Fight on for you...

i will try to cheer up...

today is the day i await so nervously, getting of out my bed blurry-eyed and ya immediately turning on the radio...to listen to what? the ops manning recall of course...

i listened to the radio the entire afternoon and nothing happened..

so i decided to go to the temple with my mum and sister who rarely goes out since she spends her time studying for her prelims and a levels nowadays..

along the way on the bus no.32, i was intensely staring at the tv mobile showing argentina vs nigeria..when i notice this boy sitting opposite me trying very hard to draw my attention..he waved at me to ask me to sit next to him..

-.-''' i was like what the man..then the guy sitting in front of him evacuated and i went over to that seat to get a better view of the screen..but he came over and sit with me again..

by now..i think something is wrong..and then he started talking to me..ask me which school i was from...all the way from JC to my Pri Sch..is this guy sent by the MSD or what? he also ask me how old i am and who is in my family, where is my dad now..is my mum at home..where is my sister studying, how old is my sister...do i have any brothers...

then he started ranting about his stuff while i politely answered his questions and continue staring at Messi do his mesmerising footwork...then he ask me where was i dropping...and i said Singapore Buddhist Lodge...he turned to his mum and when his mum told him where that was...he was very excited... i was like -.-'''

erm then i dropped off from the bus and he waved at me when the bus passed me again..as i waved back, my mum thought that he was my friend -.-'''

sigh after that i went to the nat library to borrow books...suddenly i saw that my mum called me from home..and say that she saw the little green man flashing on the tv screen..uh=oh.....i can't be heading back to camp in bermudas and sandals...

luckily upon checking, it wasn't my code that was flashing..luckily..otherwise a lovely saturday would be ruined for booking in..

but then come evening..i received a sms..a brilliant superior just asked me to help him arrange a meeting for tuesday.... i was like -.-''' must i work on this lovely saturday too? sigh....

yeah today is raining whole day..so those who go out please bring an umbrella and don't get sick...

ok i am feeling random now..lol

random

today went to the southern ridge walk that was newly set up only this year..some tree-top walk that links up the new Hortpark from alexandra road to mount faber...

well conclusion is very hot......because we did the freaking walk in the afternoon, right when the sun was freaking hot!

however, there were nice scenery along the way..got BENJAMIN tree haha..my colleague's name..as well as the sea view from the top...

i recommend this tree-top walk for couple in the late evening..sure very romantic..

"Wake Me Up When September Ends"

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me'
Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ahAh-ah, Ah-ah
I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone...

nice song by green day-boulevard of broken dreams

today we had class outing to mind's cafe..

i thought that the service would be as good as the settler's cafe that we had been to last time, but then it ended up so lousy...i was so disappointed

we were forced to cram 11 person on two sofas and a few benchs, trying to play two different games on a small table..when we requested to have two tables, the waiters just told us that we should try play one game instead of two..and squezze ourselves...what kind of lousy suggestion is that?

and i seriously doubt the waiter's abilities..they seem to take forever for them to check if we can split into two tables and they did not even seem to be able to explain the games properly..:(

but overall..we had fun because we ened up talking crap and trying to force each other to mortgage the property to the other..playing monopoly and throwing negotiation terms that sounds incredulous here and there..lol

i still feel so empty after so long..i can't understand why...the wound is still not yet healed..whenever i am by myself..i will keep thinking of you....hopefully i can let go soon..

酒矸倘卖无(他没人关心)
酒矸倘卖无(他没有明天)
酒矸倘卖无(他只有寂寞)歌
酒矸倘卖无(酒矸倘卖无)
多么熟悉的声音
陪我多少年风和雨
从来不需要想起
永远也不会忘记
没有天那有地
没有地那有家
没有家那有你
没有你那有
假如你不曾养育我
给我温暖的生活
假如你不曾保护我
我的命运将会是什么
是你抚养我长大
对我说第一句话
是你给我一个家
让我与你共同拥有它
虽然你不能开口说一句话
却更能明白人世间的黑白与真假魁
虽然你不会表达你的真情
却付出了热忱的生命
远处传来你多么熟悉的声音
网 让我想起你多么慈祥的心灵
什么时候你才回到我身旁
让我再和你一起唱ｉ
酒矸倘卖无
酒矸倘卖无
酒矸倘卖无
酒矸倘卖无

"we rely on sight to confirm the existence of things. we don't believe in things that we can't see. so how do we know that no-see-ums exist? verification is ruled out by definition. it is an ontological quandary." from calvin and hobbes comic...


whoa i never know that such philosophical quotes exist in this comic strip that i just borrowed on a whim.

i am never a philosophical person, but i just seem to be fascinated by this quote, partly because my english vocabulary is quite weak and this quote attracted me because i did not know the meaning of two words in it...lol

anyway just for those who like to "think" to savour it!

this week si quite a messed up week..on wed i was supposed to conduct some morning physical training and because my friend stayed very far away, i did not want him to come so early to help..so i told him to ignore my superiors orders to reach at 7.00 am and to come at 7.30 instead...however, he ended up getting scolded for not reaching earlier...i explained to my superior but they told me to stop covering up for him...i feel very guilty and sad :(

because of my folly, i made my friend get scolded..sigh

and i know that his reputation among my supriors are already not that fantastic and now it has worsened...:(

then i watched this video clip on youtube..it was a song saying that we are always complaining too much, we complain that our car is not cool enough, our house not big enough. we complain that our food taste bad, our wives are ugly

but when the car is too chic, we are scared that it will be stolen, when the food is too good, we scared of getting high blood pressure, when the house is too big, we complain of the hassle to clean up, and when our wives are too pretty, we are scared that she might run away...

just what are we always complaining about, compared to the unfortunate people in africa who has no food, or those poor kids in rural india who still stays in unsanitized conditions or thos people in china who are living under no roof due to the disasters, we are a fortunate bunch...maybe we should stop complaining too much

we are really fortunate to have each other around us as friends and all...